#40--Out of "IT"

IT.

The most important thing that could possibly exist.

And I've run out.

That's all there is to (it).

Today was an adventurous day. It rained. I did something I've never done before (yes, that's all you get to know). I may or may not do it again in the future. I had a meeting. Went to dinner with my hubby and saw Rango (awesome!) after foods.

Home now, and feeling in a rut. Or a trench. Or maybe I'm just outside of the whole thing. Not necessarily feeling invisible, just awkward. If that makes sense.

I've not had much opportunity lately, for anything. Or at least it feels that way. Maybe I'm just not getting out enough. But that's hard to do when you're trying not to buy a tankful of gas every three days. And at the outrageous price of nearly 3 1/2 per gallon, its not worth (it). IT is much better to stay at home. Where IT is safe, and not awkward.

You probably don't have any idea what I'm talking about, and that's okay; I don't know what I'm talking about either.

So much is different today than from yesterday. IT is crazy to think about. Specific examples, while they could be given, are not necessarily applicable to YOU. I'm sure you can think of your own examples.

I'm feeling a lot of things lately. Frustrated. But who isn't? IT will be spring soon, so people will be hiring. For real jobs. I'm thinking a lot of things lately too. Like something that Alex said: You can't always be waiting on (living for) the next step. You have to live for the present situation. (This is not an exact quote, but a paraphrase, so forgive me if I am incorrect in my phrasing here.) But the whole idea makes sense. There is a significant amount of "dwelling on the past" that one can do before exhausting themselves or becoming totally depressed. But the pendulum swings the other way too, and one can become so obsessed with what might happen or what they want to happen in their future or life that they become sullen, aggravated when they do not achieve the goals they had in mind. IT is different from perseverance and determination, willingness and ability. IT is the mere *thought* that does all the slaying.

Interesting isn't IT?

Knowledge and use of thought are all powerful beings which we take for granted. And I'm sure that some think of them as a curse in a sense, bestowed upon mankind when Eve plucked the apple from the tree. But the self-awareness and thought processes we possess separate us from other beings, and certainly our extended emotional depth is configured in there somewhere as well.

That is an old argument that I do not currently wish to pursue. IT just always comes up.

Finding one's path through life is a daunting challenge, since that every day that one lives is entirely different from the one before. IT can be hard to maintain a stable level of self-respect, self-knowingness from day to day, or year to year. You age and grow, learn, lead, follow, trip, screw up, apologize (or not), and the next day you are different. Changed.

So as the song goes: "the only thing that stays the same is, everything changes, everything cha-ee-anges." (lol).

You can always count on IT.

IT will always be there for you. IT will never abandon you, or judge you or ask you to be different. IT will never throw you a curve ball. IT is always fair. IT is unbiased and spreads unconditional love to all.

If you think you are not affected by IT, think again. IT has you in IT's clutches. You will never escape.

So you might as well make friends with IT now, before you waste your life trying to be the same as you ever were.