Saturday, July 21, 2012

#78--Sometimes When You Feel

Once in awhile I just get in a mood. I guess I'm always in a mood, but never the same one. Sometimes I'd like it to rain for days, steadily. Other days I want to live a life I can't have.

That isn't to say that I'm unhappy with the one I've got, just that I wonder what it is like to be in a different situation, to practice a different set of skills, to have different goals. I suppose then, that having different goals is one of my goals, and so perhaps I should work on that and implement it into my life. I am not saying that what I've got going on is mundane either, but perhaps expected. Yesterday I wanted attention, today I'm after spontaneity.

I've decided nothing ever happens in Kansas. At least, nothing anyone really wants to hear about. Maybe that is the situation for a majority of the Midwest in general... But I can't say for sure. I've only ever lived in Kansas and visited those other places briefly. I think it is those brief ventures outside of the expectedness that makes me want to leave, to be different.

People are too focused on being different from others. People are too content with being the same as everyone else. How is this important? I'm back to yesterday's discussion of individuality versus group. Is that it? We view the 1% as individuals and the 99% as a group? Therefore we can never come out on top, can never regain what we've lost. But what did we lose exactly? Our courage? Our self-esteem and self-worth? Our ability to grow spines?

Love others and be true to thyself. <-- That's the best I've got. This is something we should all strive for. If we did these things, and only these things, the world would improve. But it isn't something only a few can do and expect profound results--it has to be a group/collective effort on the part of all. But then we become too focused on the differences between people, and their beliefs and their practices and their points of view, and we fight again, we belittle, and we watch at the other team kills itself and we smile smugly in satisfaction at their pain and lessened numbers and we think we are great, when the only thing we've really done is succumbed to evil and hatred.

So what, that person is a homosexual, and someone else isn't sexual at all, and one person has a penis and another one has a vagina. So what? Who cares? These are the ways in which we define ourselves and we allow others to define us. Then there's the whole... I'm this, this this, this, and HUMAN campaign, which is great but it is still a label. I'm alive, and I deserve to be treated fairly and with love. I treat you fairly and with love, unless you say something against me personally (like, that I'm an evil tyrannical bitch when I'm not) in which case I'll be upset and I'd like to talk to you about your viewpoint but you'd rather avoid me and only spread further gossip about me when you don't even take the time to tell me why you're angry. And no I won't retaliate, except not speaking to you when I see you in public places, and I feel that's fair. And if you really wanted to talk to me you would have done so of your own will rather than waiting for a chance meeting at the store. Unless you feel that vulnerable that you have to have strangers around to overhear your complaints... In which case, people need to be plain with one another. "I'm upset with you because...." and "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was upsetting to you. What I meant was..."

Two simple sentences. Instead we'd rather hold grudges or shoot up a theater or drop a bomb on someone else.


This went a lot differently than i thought it would.

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